http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/spiritual-experiences-light-my-overdose/
THE VISION I HAD DURING MY COCAINE OVERDOSE
From: “Paradise for the Hellbound” by author Laura Edgar
http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/paradise-for-the-hellbound/
____________________________________________________________________
“TRAPPED IN 1978″
I was deep into my Cocaine addiction. I had a few people who enabled
my drug use and one was a guy name Ed. He was a drug dealer, not a
street dealer mind you. He had a three hundred-thousand-dollar house in
the late 70s and it was very nice. He drove a brand new BMW which was
way too small in my opinion for his fat ass. Sorry I guess there is some
resentment
left. He was a greasy Italian not the beautiful kind like my daughter’s
father. Those dark olive skin beauties with the almond shaped eyes that
wear the top lid eye liner so well. My daughter is gorgeous and I am
very proud of her Italian heritage. No! This man was a pale skinned
sweaty, greasy, over-weight (yet judged anybody that didn’t have a
models body) jet black hair, blood like ice coursing through his
heartless veins, probably connected to the mafia, he sure as hell acted
like it, Italian. I resent the hell out of him EVEN STILL because of
what he nearly did to me and the fact that I have not let it go. I
promise to work on it.
I remember one day I rode around with him back in Tampa in the BMW that
smelled like cherries all the time. He stopped to drop money off to a
woman at her house in Lutz. I asked him why she was receiving money from
him. He talked in the “we” context about his organization of some sort.
He said that basically one of his dealers (the woman’s husband
apparently” went to jail while selling the organizations goods. So the
woman was hand delivered compensation on a monthly basis since her
husband didn’t snitch. The group or “the organization as Ed called it”
taught me at a very young age YOU JUST DON’T SNITCH-EVER! Unlike the
attitude of the people I have met in the later years of my rampant
addiction who automatically snitched at the drop of a hat. I was taught
that’s the lowest most worthless thing you can do to anyone.
I went to jail myself back then not long after that conversation.
Recently one of my old friends from back in-the-day said the
organization or the group or whatever they were called almost had me
killed for
fear
I would turn them in once I was arrested. Well, leaving town back then
for a very long time may have saved my life. I refused to snitch and was
on the run for thirteen years because of my principles. They didn’t
know that I had refused to snitch. How would they know? I was over the
deep end in their opinion. I couldn’t handle my drugs in their opinion.
The drugs they supplied that is. Once I was arrested Fat Ed treated me
like a bad tooth. He pulled me out and threw me away. My overdose
happened prior to that. Allot went on back then but this isn’t a book
about war stories. It’s a book about my recovery and how it all
happened.
We used to eat Quaaludes and then break into the Cocaine. We snorted it,
smoked it, shot it, and any other way we could find to get it into our
blood stream that’s what we did. Me and “Fat Ed” as we called him were
on a two-day coke shooting binge on this day. God blessed me with some
very large and very strong veins. I rarely couldn’t hit myself once I
learned how. However, this must have been before I learned to inject my
own drugs because Fat Ed was hitting me up at this time. We were
shooting up in the bathroom for some reason don’t remember why. We did
shot after shot after shot but I wasn’t satisfied, it was never
enough. Long story short I kept complaining “Ed it’s not enough give
me more, I want more, more, more!”. And on and on I went. I can’t say I
blame Ed; he finally did what I asked him to do after many warnings. He
kept saying “Lori it’s too strong, we must be careful”. But the nagging
finally got to him as he fixed me up the lethal shot. He knew it would
kill me, he knew what he made up would kill me. He knew it was way too
much. He was sick of me hounding him. Fat Ed is still alive today from
what I have heard, unlike many other of my old friends.
HE GAVE ME THE HUGE SHOT
I crashed to the bathroom floor. What they told me after I woke back up
was they gave me C.P.R. and I finally woke up after a couple minutes.
But it wasn’t because Ed saved my life. It was because his roommate Mike
was in the house and refused to let me die. Mike was Ed’s longtime
partner. He knew and didn’t approve of what we were doing in the
bathroom. But it was what Mike told me about his best friend after I
woke and he pulled me aside that really shocked me. Mike saved my life
and then said “Lori, if you ever date Ed again after this I won’t have
any respect for you.” Mike continued, “Ed told me to take you out and
throw you into a garbage dumpster. He had no desire to even try to bring
you back.” He said. Those were most words Mike had ever spoken to me. I
remember his concern waking me up, “are you ok Lori, do you know where
you are and what day it is?” I was so lost back then. I had no identity.
I didn’t know who I was. I was back knocking on Ed’s door a few days
later once I recuperated from my shocking overdose in spite of what Mike
had told me. I didn’t know how to love myself. Yet.
THE VISION
While I was out cold, apparently I fell flat on my back to the floor.
I could feel myself as if I were shrunk down to nothing, my body left
me. All I was, was a thought without a body. I was invisible as if I had
been shrunk down into a minute fraction of my normal size so small the
human eye could not have seen me. But my thoughts were still just as
large as before. My ideas were still alive. I had a consciousness about
me. I was not aware of why I was shrunk down in the center of a rock
prison. I didn’t know that I had, at one time had a body and lost it.
All I knew is I was crushed into the center of a rock and I couldn’t
move. I was imprisoned inside without a body there was no time in that
consciousness. There was no time of space where I went and no light of
God’s Spirit that I could feel.
Suddenly something happened to me abruptly someone was pulling me from
the rock. It was horribly uncomfortable to come back out of the rock.
Have you ever been awoken abruptly from a hangover sleep by a glass of
cold water on the face? Magnify that by a million that is how it felt
being brought back from the dead. My body screamed! My consciousness
screamed! No! I wanted to be left in the rock, the rock would become my
home even though I had no power at all to do anything crushed without a
body or limb to move. I was ripped from the rock and my body ripped with
the movement. I see the rock now it was white and black speckles. Like a
rock you would see in a North Carolina river. But this rock was
animated hanging me in anti-space where there is no time or space. Space
is a wonderful thing I tell you. I never ever want to return to the
prison I was in when I died. My overdose happened before I met my God,
before I knew Jesus, before my step three. There was no white light my
friend only a prison and a thought. And Fat Ed would have left me there
he didn’t care. But I didn’t remember anything in my prison it was void
of knowledge. All there was is a silent awareness. Mike was my angel
that day back in 1978. Mike saved my soul from that rock prison. Mike
acted in accordance with God, my God. Mike is in my
prayers
where-ever he may be. Please my friends seek God while it is still day.
Get to know your maker lest you end up in that horrible place. Life and
Love and having a vessel to call a body is the best way to be that I
know of. My soul was imprisoned while I was alive, therefore when I died
it was also imprisoned. I don’t know if I would have ever been freed
from that prison had I not been brought back to life . In 1986 I was
born again, born of the Spirit a second birth they call it¬¬. I came
alive when I found that little Baptist Church in the meadow and God
introduced Himself to me in a big way. (see “the Baptism of the Holy
Spirit” chapter of Paradise for the Hellbound).
http://www.recoveryfarmhouse.net/paradise-for-the-hellbound/#BAPTISM%20OF%20THE%20HOLY%20SPIRIT
